Confused, confusing, confusion

Talked to Evon last evening. I feel relieved right after that. So far, she's the only one I openly talked to about my failure. Somehow, talking to someone about it helped a lot. She seemed made up her mind and has a plan already. She asked me to think thorougly also and encouraged me to go for it also. She laid out a path for me and everything seems so wonderful. My head told me go for it. My heart? I know I should just go for it. In fact, I know I'll most probably go for it. However, there's this certain degree of reluctance in me. God knows why.

Thanks for writing me that e-mail, EeLynn :)
Thanks to Alisa too :)
And Cai Li :)

Another thing that has been bothering me for some time now is relationships. I know I already have a lot to think about, but this particular issue arised again. Its been so long. I'm new in this. Yes, I have a boyfriend. And yes, it's been a few years now. But I consider this my first and therefore am clueless when it comes to things of the heart. We are opposites. Opposites do attract, but when they come too near, they repel. I wished someone would invent a lovemeter, so how much you love someone could be measured. I would be the first in queue to buy it. Throwing everything away at the start of the year doesn't seem like a good idea. But how am I to solve this? I want love. I want romance. I want the sizzle, the butterflies in my stomach. I want to feel protected. I want someone I could take home and show my parents. I want everything. I'll say, go with the flow, find someone who is infatuated with me instead of one I am infatuated with.

I am the kind of person who uses or keeps something that I like for a long time. The same goes with this. I don't feel the need to swap. BUT I need change! It's been so long. SO LONG. Why have I done that made you treat me like this? I'm tired, emotionally distraught and exhausted. I'm tired of waiting around. The ending of a story, or the beginning of a new chapter?

It's time to reflect and rant.
Just like EeLynn's blog title.

hugs and kisses

Y

Love me or love me not?